...I feel like the pause button has been pushed on my life and all I want to do is desperately push the fast forward button to get through this. Plans have been halted - trips have been canceled - dreams have been put on the shelf. With one quick swoop of God's arm all of our plans that were on the table for the next year have been wiped clean...I watch them fall to the ground - some I can catch and save for when I'm healthy - others I just need to let crash. It's hard to stand idle in your life and be forced to do something you were never planning to. Feeling sick is so foreign to me and thinking that this is my journey for months is overwhelming at times. I have never felt more human than right now - feeling a vast range of emotions. I am forced to be in the moment not because I choose it - but because I have no choice. The beauty during this difficult time of not getting what I want, is that life counterbalances itself by showing me a tsunami of love and kindness. It's reached the tipping-point where receiving the blessings are at times more overwhelming than the event itself. To realize this today was success for me. This is what gives me strength and literally carries me from hour to hour. I'm slowly surrendering to this new reality and open to receive great personal growth.
Namaste - Amen - Hallelujah - YeeHaw - Youbetcha.
...And, ohh yeah, cancer you're going down.
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